even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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