new low.... made out with someone while peeing
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
