They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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