Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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