someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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