So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
