I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
