whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
