That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
