I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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