I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
