Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
