My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
