Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
