Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
