Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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