we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
