did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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