I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
