Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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