one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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