And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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