I will die if light touches me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
