they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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