she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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