I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
