I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
home. puking in laundry basket.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
