we're blogging at a bar
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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