fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
