cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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