hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
