I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
