Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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