He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
