Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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