I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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