Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
