So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We don't watch enough power rangers
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
