Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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