I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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