Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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