Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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