I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
time to smoke my breakfast
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
