After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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