no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
