Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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