I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
