if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've blown a few things in my day
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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