you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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