i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
