i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
