I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So squirting runs in the family.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
