$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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