who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
