i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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